On April 1, Tyla returned to foster care. It was one of the most difficult days I've ever had to get through, but not nearly as difficult as the weeks leading up to her departure.
You see, Tyla is a complex kid with equally complex needs. To protect her privacy, I won't go into great detail about it here, but the bottom line is that she had needs that Lisa & I couldn't meet, and challenges that were growing bigger rather than becoming more manageable. Compounding these challenges was the reality that there was a significant amount of information about Tyla's background that we were not made aware of when we were matched with her, and we were receiving very little (if any) support from Social Services in the months following her placement.
Making the decision to return Tyla to foster care was the most difficult and heart-breaking decision either of us has ever had to make. Thankfully, when the dust settled Tyla's former foster family agreed to welcome her back into their home. We hope this made the process of leaving our home easier for Tyla, although she did write us a lengthy letter to make sure we knew that she'd miss us, our house, and our cats.
In return, we wrote a letter to Tyla. As a last goodbye, I will share it with you.
Dear Tyla,
Even though you haven't left our house yet, we already miss you, and so do the cats! Things just won't be the same without you around here when you're gone. We both hope you're really happy at your new home, and have lots of fun with your brothers and sister (and the dogs, too!).
Before you go, we wanted to tell you some of the awesome memories we have of you. You're an amazing kid, and we wish you the very best in life.
1. You're fun, goofy, and good at making us laugh.
You see, Tyla is a complex kid with equally complex needs. To protect her privacy, I won't go into great detail about it here, but the bottom line is that she had needs that Lisa & I couldn't meet, and challenges that were growing bigger rather than becoming more manageable. Compounding these challenges was the reality that there was a significant amount of information about Tyla's background that we were not made aware of when we were matched with her, and we were receiving very little (if any) support from Social Services in the months following her placement.
Making the decision to return Tyla to foster care was the most difficult and heart-breaking decision either of us has ever had to make. Thankfully, when the dust settled Tyla's former foster family agreed to welcome her back into their home. We hope this made the process of leaving our home easier for Tyla, although she did write us a lengthy letter to make sure we knew that she'd miss us, our house, and our cats.
In return, we wrote a letter to Tyla. As a last goodbye, I will share it with you.
Dear Tyla,
Even though you haven't left our house yet, we already miss you, and so do the cats! Things just won't be the same without you around here when you're gone. We both hope you're really happy at your new home, and have lots of fun with your brothers and sister (and the dogs, too!).
Before you go, we wanted to tell you some of the awesome memories we have of you. You're an amazing kid, and we wish you the very best in life.
1. You're fun, goofy, and good at making us laugh.
2. You are a great cousin and friend.
3. You're tough, and can get through really hard things - yet still be a fun and nice person to be around.
4. You give great hugs.
5. You love stories and reading, and are turning out to be a very good reader.
3. You're tough, and can get through really hard things - yet still be a fun and nice person to be around.
4. You give great hugs.
5. You love stories and reading, and are turning out to be a very good reader.
6. Your little notes always made our day.
7. You were a great sister to Buddy, Parker, and Missy, and they will miss you a lot.
8. You love being outside, and we learned lots about parks, fishing, and our neighbourhood from you.
9. Your love of dancing made us smile. One of our favourite pictures of you is when you were dancing with your new maraca in front of the Christmas tree, and Grandma loved dancing with you at Becky's wedding last fall.
10. You are an all-round fantastic and special person. Don't forget that.
We both love you so much, and will miss you lots and lots. We hope you find fun, joy, laughter, dancing, and lots of great adventures in your life. You will always be a part of our family.
Hugs and kisses,
Mom & Mama
7. You were a great sister to Buddy, Parker, and Missy, and they will miss you a lot.
8. You love being outside, and we learned lots about parks, fishing, and our neighbourhood from you.
9. Your love of dancing made us smile. One of our favourite pictures of you is when you were dancing with your new maraca in front of the Christmas tree, and Grandma loved dancing with you at Becky's wedding last fall.
10. You are an all-round fantastic and special person. Don't forget that.
We both love you so much, and will miss you lots and lots. We hope you find fun, joy, laughter, dancing, and lots of great adventures in your life. You will always be a part of our family.
Hugs and kisses,
Mom & Mama
Oh Erin, as everyone has been saying, my heart goes out to the both of you and your extended families. I cannot begin to imagine the amount of heartache you are facing. I send you all my warm thoughts and energy.... Stay strong and hold tight each memory. Leanne
ReplyDeleteHi Erin,
ReplyDeleteYour post made me cry! I am so happy that you had each other for the time you did. You are such a wonderful mom!
Erin - we are going through something similar with our foster daughter, close to adoption, but wondering if her needs are too much for us. Maybe we can talk off of Facebook about how you decided to send her back & how you approached it. We are going through a tough time right now and I can imagine just by reading what you put up that it is about the same experience you may have been having.
ReplyDeleteEmail me
Adriana & Evon
oh how I am tearing up over here - you did what you had to do Erin. I am sending mucho mucho virtual hugs and love to you and your family. I can't imagine how hard of a decision that would have been to make. wishing you all the best. take care, xo.
ReplyDeleteSending all the positivity and love that I can muster to all of you. Remember that some people aren't meant to be with us for a lifetime, but that doesn't mean the seeds of love that we plant won't blossom in the future. So the love investment that you made in Tyla will pay off in unexpected ways for her and for you. You just might have to wait a while. I truly believe that.
ReplyDelete