Leaving a Decade Behind

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
- Melody Beattie



In the spirit of all the Top 10 of the Decade lists, I've decided to end the year with a list of the top 10 experiences, moments, lessons, and things I'm thankful for from the past 10 years (in no particular order!):


1. I’ve been a social worker for all of the past decade, which is a little nuts. It's hard to believe that ten years ago I had just finished my first degree and was anxiously entering into the work world without a plan. Ten years later, I have a second social work degree (my masters) and a completely different career path - one I couldn't have even imagined for myself in 1999. Who knows what I'll be doing in 2019... and what degree I'll earn in the next decade!?! Being a social worker has been such gratifying, challenging, transformative, and fulfilling work. I feel blessed to have met such amazing people - co-workers, community partners, and people who access services alike - who have shared their wisdom, their lives, and their visions for our community.

2. We gained a daughter in the last decade and through her also gained a greater sense of "family" than I ever thought possible. We struggled to grow our family for eight of the past ten years, so the addition of Tyla to our family was a wonderful way to finish up the decade. Her arrival and her presence has lit up our world in so many, many ways.

3. I've loved and lost much over the past decade - I've said goodbye to both grandmas, a beloved dog, as well as several friends and colleagues; ended my first "real" relationship, lost a best friend (or two), and a work family; and welcomed a niece, a new love, a child, a new gaggle of co-workers and students, and many new friendships. I'm thankful that I've learned that “this too shall pass” is true of bad times, thank goodness, but also sometimes of good times. Learning to cope with change is apparently a life-long lesson that I will always have to struggle with.

4. I have had many roles over the past 10 years, including wife, partner, lover, and mother (a true over-achiever, I had four - that's right, four - wedding-like events in the past decade). I was part of a group of people who fought for our right to marry, and proudly walked down the aisle to be the first legally-married same-sex couple in Saskatchewan.

5. I have had many, many jobs (including "the AIDS lady", sex toy consultant, researcher, retail sales person, teacher, facilitator...), built a career (or two, or five...), published a thesis (finally!), and figured out that success is in the eye of the beholder.

6. I also figured out that I don’t find the actual achieving of my goals all that satisfying all by itself and that I will always find something else that looks better just a little bit further off in the distance, which has taught me that I better learn how to enjoy the journey because the destination is never going to be the point.

7. I came to accept, understand, and embrace my inner femme, interior designer, chef, and event planner, rather than fight against these aspects of myself and try to be the person I thought I was "supposed" to be. I've come to enjoy being a homebody, and have spent much of the past decade nesting in various ways. I can't see this changing in the coming decade, as I'm just finding my mama groove, so foresee many adventures in muffin baking, birthday planning, and backyard bar-b-queing.

8. This is big: after many years of inner (and outer) struggle, I made peace with my family. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. There was a time when I couldn't imagine ever getting to the point where I wished my parents lived closed to me (or I to them), but I find myself longing for more time and more connection with my roots.

9. I struggled painfully with the loss of my identity as a crunchy, granola earthmama when I realized I was never going to birth a baby but then slowly grew to understand that life is more interesting (if not any easier) when we embrace paradox and learn to live with complication. I also appreciate the lesson in compassion even though it was hard and ugly going.

10. I started the decade in pretty rough physical shape - the arthritis I've battled since I was a child was in full flare-up mode and I was on some pretty serious meds that made me sick enough to lose my hair and take sick leave from work. Thankfully, I got better and spent much of the decade in pretty good health. Ironically, I'm leaving the decade in a very similar condition to 10 years ago, but the past decade has taught me that there are better times ahead, and that I can weather this storm and come out stronger and more appreciative for my mobility, wellness, and support network.